Saturday, August 31, 2013

Being Fat Will Kill You Before Monster Energy Drinks Will

     What a surprise! Today at the grocery store while buying chicken, organic eggs, zuchinni, organic spinach, and a one diet monster energy drink, the overweight dude online behind me decided to inform me not drink "that shit", because "it will kill you." OHHHHH MYYYYY GOOODDDDDD!!!! Did I throw it out? No, I'm drinking it right now while I write this article, and will do some heavy legs after.

     Now, can you die from Monster? I don't know, I'm a firefighter not a doctor, probably, you can die from a lot of things. There have been cases where parents believe their child's energy drink habit killed them, and no one wants to lose a child. However, monster has sold roughly 8 BILLION energy drinks over the last few years, and if we had 8 billion deaths, the dinosaurs would be back in business taking over the Earth as we know it. Most monster deaths are believed to be linked to caffeine toxicity, how much caffeine does it take to kill you? According to a 2005 Forensic Science Article  from the New Mexico Department of Health, they estimated 5 grams of caffeine... In a low carb monster there are 140mg... so.... converting mg to g, you would have to drink around 35 cans of Monster to code.

    I wish I didn't drink so much Monster because it does get expensive, and I'd like to have less caffeine just in general, that includes coffee, but compared to the following, I'm okay with having a slight Monster addiction for now. Lets see that list that will kill you long before monster does:

  • Fast food
  • Smoking
  • High blood pressure
  • Not going to the gym
  • Driving when you can walk, run, or bike.
  • Getting hooked on drugs (legal or illegal)
  • Eating processed foods
  • Not going to the gym
  • Texting while driving
  • Drinking sugar loaded sodas
  • Not flossing
  • Weight management
  • And.... Not going to the gym!

    So... What's your bad habit you want to kick first?

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Arizona Fitness at Inbox dot com

This article is solely opinion of the author and written for entertainment purposes only.
Consult a doctor or medical professional before beginning any fitness, diet, or weight training program.


  1. Haha. Nobody realizes that the number one killer of men is HEART DISEASE, aka "being fat"... People are afraid of skin cancer and bee stings but not heart attacks and strokes.

  2. LOL I googled fat guy and fat bastard came up.